Stranger
by Fire of the lioness
Summary: AU. Slight crossover. Oneshot: Waking up with a small case of amnesia is usually not of the good. But perhaps in some cases not remembering is a blessing.


... 

My head hurts. Dizzy too. Urgh.

Where am I? Gonna look.

Ooooh that's too bright. My eyes hurt. Huh, now it's dark! Strange.

Oh wait, I've already closed them. My eyes are closed now. No light. Yeah that's good. Nice.

I hum a little. Nice. Nicenicenice….Huh? Wazzat? I heard something. I know I did.

Should open my eyes. I'll hear better. Sure of it. Don't wanna though. Can just ignore….ah nope can't do that. Noise won't stop. Sounds a bit like something I should understand. Maybe like….a language? Yes, that's it! I'm listening to a language, because that is something that is used to talk.

Wonder if I can do it.

"..Ugh. Gr" Cough.

Hmm, I don't sound the same as whatever is making the noise. Strange. Wonder why.

So. Should really open my eyes now. Perhaps it won't hurt. I don't like hurt. Do I?

I think…No, I'm sure actually. I don't like pain. Yes that sounds convincing. Hah, take that! I _know_ things. I _know _I don't like pain!

Still.

Okay I'm gonna try again anyway. Something is poking at me. Don't like that either. If I open my eyes it will stop, I'm sure of it.

Slowly…slowly.

Well, that wasn't so bad. It's still kinda dark though.….And the poking doesn't stop.

Oh. Right.

Didn't open my eyes yet. Just thought I did. Well, that's not so strange. I'm pretty sure that's normal actually. Can't be a 100 percent sure. Somehow I'm having a bit of trouble deciding..._knowing_ things. Maybe something isn't quite as right as I thought it was. Or wasn't my thought quite as right as I thought that right was the thought, though….See, now I don't understand anymore. Strange. My head hurts.

Poke.

Something still poking me. Why?

I was gonna do something to stop it…Oh yeah! Open my eyes.

Ooow! That was too fast. Too bright. Don't like that. I _know_ I don't like pain. Really, absolutely sure now.

It is a bit strange that it actually only hurts on one side. The other eye still watched that wonderful black. Huh. Cool. Nice eye.

The poking stopped though. Just like I though it would. Maybe I am right! Surely I'm right about everything then. Wouldn't that be something? I can't remember the last time that I was right.

Actually…

I can't remember all that much in general.

Really, really little. Nothing.

Strange.

No. Not strange. Me. Stranger.

I black out again.

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Awake now. Still keeping my eyes closed.

I'm somewhere soft now. I like soft, I decide.

Oh, there is that noise again! I feel a bit stupid for not recognizing it as a language before. Must have been asleep. Yes, I decide that's a good excuse. Everybody knows things are topsy turvy when you're asleep. Right?

Nononono, not gonna doubt myself anymore. I was right about the eyes opening stopping the poking, so I'm right about everything else.

Strange word though. Topsy turvy. Sounds a bit like a cocktail.

A flash of a darkhaired woman gripping a brightly coloured drink in unsteady hands, screaming obscenities comes to mind. Hmmm, does that mean that woman is a cocktail? No, that doesn't seem right. But she does have something to do with cocktails. I'm sure of it.

Don't think I like them all that much. Cocktails.

Or beer.

Again a flash. This time an unshaven man with a flapping belly and a raised fist. Dad.

I shiver a whole body shiver. No, don't like that either. I _know _it.

How did I end up here again? Can't remember. Gonna open my eyes now. There's nobody poking, but if I don't open my eyes there might be somebody coming soon. And as I know so very well, I don't like poking.

Okay here goes.

That wasn't so bad actually. It's not as bright as it was before. But something went wrong! My left eye is still dark. What did I do wrong?

For a while, I try my hardest to open my eye, but it makes no difference.

Sigh.

I know opening eyes isn't the easiest thing in the whole world. Yes, I _know. _It took me three tries to get the first one right! But surely it says something about me that I can't manage one eye at all!

_"__Worthless Zeppo_". It's a girl voice in my head this time. Together with sharp. Sharp brown eyes, sharp curves, sharp words. The Queen.

So, I am right. Again. I am something of a failure. The Queen said so.

And my name is Zeppo. Huh. Strange. No wait, I forgot. Not strange. Stranger. I think I like that better than my previous name. Somehow that word 'Zeppo' leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. I think I rename myself Strange. Or Stranger. I don't really care that much right now. Too tired. My head hurts again.

M gonna sleep.

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"……"

I stare at the ceiling. I'm really good at opening my eye now. Sometimes it only takes me a few moments concentration.

The ceiling is white.

I _know_ that. I know that that colour is white. I know that the sticky fluid that keeps seeping from the hurt in my head is red. Blood.

A male voice. _"Blood is life, luv. It's always about blood." _

For some reason this voice makes me itch. I feel so much, just listening to that low growling tone. FearHateLoveBetrayalLustAngerHelplessness. But most of all I feel sad. So, so sad. And somehow I know it is because he chose _her_ over me. And used me.

And I Loved him.

Love. Blood. Red. Different words for the same.

Redredredred. My mind jumps on to the next vague person.

Red hair that smells like cinnamon. Big eyes. My Tree. Tears. Screams of denial. _"Nooooo, not him! NOT HIM! I can't live without him! Please stop, Buffy. Why are you doing this? We can find another way to save the world." _She is struggling against the grip of an impassive bleachblond vampire_MyLoveHateFearMissHimSoSoMuch_. A hint of black threatening to spill over in the big green eyes.

And the answer. Cold. Bitter since the light in her life had died in the City of Angels. It is very dangerous when the sun loses her light. Hazel eyes. Golden hair. Determined voice. _"I'm sorry Willow. Somebody has to go through the portal to close it. There is no other choice or do you want us all to die? Xander is expendable." _

My mind tries to shy away from what comes next, after the shove from the suntanned hands I once worshiped. After the heartbroken, agonised scream of mind numbing grief from My Lovely Tree. Because then I entered the blue sparkling portal. And then

**PainPAINpAinPAiNPaiNPAIn!! **

I don't like pain.

That's why it hurt so much that the Sunshine made me hurt. And she took my Love. "_Love is Blood, luv._" She took my Blood. Nonono, that's not true. My Blood was the Betrayer there. I just know it.

I'll forgive the Sunshine for that. She didn't know he was my Blood. She thought he was hers. She was right.

But I'll never forgive the Sunshine for making me hurt. For taking me from my Tree. Because I know I'm not with my Tree anymore. Never see her again. Can't feel our bond anymore. It broke.

I'll never forgive. Never. Nevernevernevernevernevernevernevernever.

I'll hate the Sunshine forever.

….my eye is wet. Why?

I'm missing someone. There was somebody else there. Yes. 'Squeak squeak' as he cleans his glasses. _"Dear Lord_" every time something went wrong.

But when the Sunshine sacrificed me, he didn't say anything. So he must have thought it wasn't wrong. Dear Lord betrayed me also?

Yes.

Betrayed also.

I'll hate Dear Lord forever.

My eye is no longer simply wet. It is streaming. Strange.

For the first time in a long time, the noises are starting to make sense. But they're not.

I hear them. I understand that I don't understand them.

I don't understand myself sometimes.

I turn my eye to the person speaking. He looks back at me and, seeing that he has finally gained my attention, he makes some more noises.

"Bonsoir, etranger. Je m'appelle Jean Claude. Comment tu t'appelle?"

I don't understand and close my eye. I sleep.

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Disclaimer: Don't own anything

AN. Okay what did you think? For those who didn't understand the main character is Xander who has been used to close a portal in the Buffy world. He wakes up concussed and heavily disoriented, so I tried to make his thoughts a bit uncohesive. I also tried to make his mind a little sharper every time he woke up. In 'reality' I imagine he has been found somewhere in St Louis, poked to see if he was still alive and then somehow brought to the Master of the City.

Oh, and if you are wondering why Xander still doesn't understand, though he finally manages to make out words? I don't see Xander being able to speak French on his best days, let alone when he is this unfocused.

I don't intend to make this any longer, though perhaps in a while, I will extend the time before he finally hears Jean Claude. I can write some more about Xander's feelings for the Sunnydalers. (The Queen was Cordy of course, the Love/Blood was Spike, who cheated on him with Buffy or Sunshine, and who left Xander for Buffy in the end. Giles is Dear Lord, and Willow is of course The Lovely Tree, the only one who remained on Xander's side. Buffy's light is Angel who died for some reason in Los Angelos. And yes I know this is AU. Spike obviously stayed with Buffy and didn't die, or came back, take your pick. Dawn is...okay I forgot her. No big loss. Willow is still a great girl, and Buffy has turned cold. Xander obviously did lose his eye.)

I doubt I will write a sequel any time soon, simply because I have never even touched a Anita Blake book. I had never heard of her until I started reading about her in fanfiction crossovers. Still, I thought it was the right crossover for this story.


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